My children

praying

I'm at St.  Joes. I lit candles.  1 for each of us.  I continue to pray. .. and hope

New arrows

My old ones were getting beat up.  These are longer so maybe uncle Brian can shoot them.  He likes to shoot my left handed bow but he has a much longer pull than I do so he couldn't shoot my short ones.  He will have to ignore the hot pink flights. :P

HP

This used to be EDS and your dad used to work there

Blah

driving. .. boring. ..

Work

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyLPOnd45zU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Echoes

I'm usually pretty good at pushing the emptiness down. .. some days though, the hollowness echoes throughout my body and mind.  I lay and cry.  I think of you all.  I loved you each from the moment I knew you existed.  I'd speak to you from the depths of my heart, tell you all my secrets.  You can do that to a baby. ..just pour your heart out.  You were my universe.  My reason for living.  I did everything I could to give you all the best lives I could.  I wanted you to always have your needs met and a clean house and yummy meals.  I would have sheltered you all to the extent of never feeling any pains if I could.  I couldn't.  I tried.  I really did.  I wish I could shelter you still.  I don't know if you feel the pain I do.  At times it's excruciating and unbearable.  A huge chunk of me is missing.  And there is the part that still struggles to understand why.  I've stood by you all.  I will continue to do so till my dying breath.  You are my Angels.  I carried you all in my womb,  fed you at my breast, and gave you each my heart. It seems to be my burden to have those I've entrusted with my heart, crush it ruthlessly.  I'm getting used to the pain. But no matter the pain,  I find the faith to keep on breathing.  I pray for the future and the day I can hold you all and tell you how much I love you.

Nothing special

Just a note to say I love you.  It's the one thing I can't say enough but I'm not able to say at all.  I love you boys with all my heart and soul.

Just a note

I miss talking to you boys.  It breaks my heart when you don't talk to mom. But no matter how much I hurt I'll still stand by you all and I'll always be here and loving you no matter what.  Nothing that you, nor anyone else, do can stop me loving you.  I hope you are feeling better and that school is going ok. I'm working very very hard.  So nothing new or exciting to report. Love always and forever. ... mom

HAPPY FRIDAY

I hope that you all had a great first week of school. You boys are all so smart I'm sure that you'll do great . It was long week for me considering it was a holiday on Monday.  I've been working very very hard.  I push myself to the point sometimes I think I'll break.  But I do it for a reason. I hope that you boys learn to take better care of yourselves than I do of me.  It's important to work hard and always do your best, but you also have to find the balance of work, faith, family and self.  You have to take care of yourselves with food, exercise and finding ways to relax so that you don't break yourselves down.  You need faith so that you don't lose track of who you owe your life to in the first place and faith is good for yourself too. You have to take time for family and learn to not take them for granted.  Your wives will need to feel loved and honored by you.  Your children loved by and listened to by you. And you never know when you could lose them so take time when you can. ..while you can.  All those years. Being there with you all.  Loving You,  caring for you, cooking for you, cleaning for you and playing with you.  I never imagined that would have been taken from me as it has. I could never have imagined the heart ache I would feel not being able to do those things I took for granted.  But no one could see that I raised my face to God at least once a day to thank him for you boys.  I did.  Now my prayer changes a bit.  I pray every single day to be able to love you all again.  But I mean by holding you in my arms and hearing your voices, etc.  For I love you every single second of every single day.  With my every heart beat, my every breath.  I love you.

HAPPY FRIDAY

I hope that you all had a great first week of school. You boys are all so smart I'm sure that you'll do great . It was long week for me considering it was a holiday on Monday.  I've been working very very hard.  I push myself to the point sometimes I think I'll break.  But I do it for a reason. I hope that you boys learn to take better care of yourselves than I do of me.  It's important to work hard and always do your best, but you also have to find the balance of work, faith, family and self.  You have to take care of yourselves with food, exercise and finding ways to relax so that you don't break yourselves down.  You need faith so that you don't lose track of who you owe your life to in the fireplace and faith is good for yourself too. You have to take time for family and learn to not take them for granted.  Your wives will need to feel loved and honored by you.  Your children loved by and listened to by you. And you never know when you could lose them so take time when you can. ..while you can.  All those years. Being there with you all.  Loving You,  caring for you, cooking for you, cleaning for you and playing with you.  I never imagined that would have been taken from me as it has. I could never have imagined the heart ache I would feel not being able to do those things I took for granted.  But no one could see that I raised my face to God at least once a day to thank him for you boys.  I did.  Now my prayer changes a bit.  I pray every single day to be able to love you all again.  But I mean by holding you in my arms and hearing your voices, etc.  For I love you every single second of every single day.  With my every heart beat, my every breath.  I love you.

Good luck

I wish you boys all the best for the coming school year.  My heart aches that I'm not a part of it.  You are my boys and I love you with all my heart and soul.  Forever.  Nothing can ever change that.  I'm always here for you if you need me.  I matter what.