Echoes

I'm usually pretty good at pushing the emptiness down. .. some days though, the hollowness echoes throughout my body and mind.  I lay and cry.  I think of you all.  I loved you each from the moment I knew you existed.  I'd speak to you from the depths of my heart, tell you all my secrets.  You can do that to a baby. ..just pour your heart out.  You were my universe.  My reason for living.  I did everything I could to give you all the best lives I could.  I wanted you to always have your needs met and a clean house and yummy meals.  I would have sheltered you all to the extent of never feeling any pains if I could.  I couldn't.  I tried.  I really did.  I wish I could shelter you still.  I don't know if you feel the pain I do.  At times it's excruciating and unbearable.  A huge chunk of me is missing.  And there is the part that still struggles to understand why.  I've stood by you all.  I will continue to do so till my dying breath.  You are my Angels.  I carried you all in my womb,  fed you at my breast, and gave you each my heart. It seems to be my burden to have those I've entrusted with my heart, crush it ruthlessly.  I'm getting used to the pain. But no matter the pain,  I find the faith to keep on breathing.  I pray for the future and the day I can hold you all and tell you how much I love you.